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Sunday, November 14, 2010

Handmade Holidays

We are pretty darn broke. After being out of work for more than 2 years (but more on that later), we have scraped right on through the bottom. This really sucks during the Holidays, but I actually anticipate a fabulous Christmas this year: we are going to have an old-fashioned handmade Christmas!

Admittedly, this is probably a bit easier for me than for most (I have lots of jewelry ideas and plan on making some fused-glass ornaments). Sorry guys ;o)  But it is the thought and the heart that counts, and I can't wait to see what handmade treasures the kids come up with.

The focus of this blog is a departure from my usual discussion about what it is like to live with Narcolepsy. However, the ArtFire folk are holding a contest and the winner will get a Digital SLR camera! I could really use that camera, so here you have it... my blog about our upcoming handmade holiday.

Stay tuned, fair readers, more narcolepsy and relationship analysis to come. And some very exciting/fun information about my work life!


Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Are we REALLY going to go there? Again?

Matt and I have a crazy few weeks ahead. I am off to the NAHAC (National Association of Health Advocacy Consultants) conference in Washington DC and when I return, Matt will be leaving for the Society for Neuroscience Meeting. I'm a bit bummed about all the time we will apart. (Yes, I AM the person whose last blog addressed the fact that we are back to thinking about living apart again).

Matt -- not so much. He remains pretty unfazed, and exhibits no interest in spending extra time together in anticipation of all that time apart. Not even to squeeze in a morning trip for coffee before leaving for work. Sometimes this gets to be so much to bear: we have so very little "quality" time together, primarily because of the toll it takes on Matt when we focus on our relationship. I don't want to be needy, but it's hard to find a reasonable compromise where I get enough good time with Matt without him having too much good time with me.

So I end up spending most of my time struggling with the sadness that I feel because I'm not getting my relationship needs sufficiently met. At the same time, I understand that it isn't fair to expect all of my needs to be met in my relationship with Matt. I know I need to build more mutually supportive relationships with friends. The problem is, I get so little "good" time with Matt that I hate to spend the necessary time away from him in order to strengthen other relationships.

And so it goes, around and around in my head and in our little lives. A constant low level of depression certainly doesn't make this any better. How can I consider spending time away from Matt when so little of the time we have now is quality, marriage-sustaining time?

What a weird relationship we have. And yet we love each other, and I really, really, really don't want to lose that.

And, oh yes, after our separate trips, we are going to visit family together. Again. This did NOT go so well the last time (check back through my earliest blogs for a recap). However, my Dad has a big birthday coming up, and Matt loves him and feels it's important for him to participate. I suspect Matt will spend most of his time locked away in a room by himself, avoiding the crowd. Hopefully he'll manage to keep from experiencing status cataplecticus (those rolling, constant attacks of cataplexy that make him so very ill)!

I'll let you know how it goes. Because I am pathetically and eternally hopeful (read "in denial"), I kind of expect it to be better than the last time. Only time will tell, so stay tuned! Maybe we'll have spongecake?